Behind the picture

Posted on by alizeandmaria

sunrise

Hey friends!
I hope everyone is having a good year so far!!
This weekend Alize and I went on an adventure. We woke up around 4ish 5 in the morning to catch the sunrise in Santa Cruz.
Recently we’ve been wanting to be more adventurous. Also Alize has been wanting to get more into photography since she loves it. So why not try? You know? We didn’t have the proper equipment besides a nice camera. So we improvised!
We set the camera on the rail, before that we had kleenex and dried it so the camera wouldn’t get wet. Gotta do what you gotta do. We made it work with what we had, since we decided to not make excuse anymore and just go for it.
We got to santa cruz around 5:45am and the sunrise was suppose to be around 7:18. And we had time to spare but we just waited in the cold dark morning for the sun. But to be completely honest it was so worth it!!!
We were freezing and we didn’t dress that warm because you know we didn’t think it fully. It was honestly an amazing experience because we saw the sky transform from dark to light. Honestly I didn’t expect it to be that beautiful. We waited forever for the sunrise and it happed oh so quickly. We almost missed it! Lol!! Alize got some pretty amazing shots that’s she’s currently working on.
On our way back to the car we didn’t know how we were walking. Our bodies felt so numb. When we finally sat down in the car we turned on the heater. And i kid you not our body was defrosting it was such a weird feeling.
Honestly i would definitely do it again. It’s an experience everyone should have. We take the small things for granted. That we don’t stop and smell the roses in this case see the sunrises. Lol. 10/10 would recommend but go with someone special. Someone who will be willing to wait with you in the cold and wake up at the crack of dawn just to experience something so beautiful with you!
Alize took so many amazing picture and i can’t wait for her to edit them because editing can transform a picture so much. I suck at taking picture but i love taking picture of her!
This post is more of behind the picture I took. It one of my favorite picture i’ve taken of her so far. Well one of my favorites I have so many to choose from. Let’s just call it my recent favorite!
soon to come a sunrise…..
till the next post my friends!!!
-MM

Coming out

Posted on by alizeandmaria

About 3 years ago I decided that I was no longer going to hide my true self to those around me. I had told my closest friends that I liked girls. Some of them handled it pretty well and i got lots of love and support from them! My life long friend who’ve i’ve known since I was in diapers said she always knew I was. She was the most accepting and loving of them all. I also had a “friend” who wasn’t as accepting as the others. I say friend in quotes because ever since I came out to that person we started to drift apart. It made realized who my real friends were. 

The hardest thing to deal with is knowing that not everyone accepts who you are. It took so long for me to truly accept who I really was and to stop hiding in what is considered “normal”.  I’ve spent a lot of sleepless nights wishing I wasn’t the way I was. But one day I came to the realization that i was made this way for a reason. I didn’t wake up one day and was like im gonna like girls from now on. No I have always known since I was about 7 years old that I liked girls and I thought I wasn’t normal like everyone else. I fought for years to trying to change myself and make myself “better”. 

Now that i have a total of like 3 friends i’ve realized that, that’s all i need. They love me for who i am. No matter what my sexual orientation is. They are always there for the good the bad and the ugly. I will forever be thankful for them because without them i’d go crazy. 

Now the most difficult part and the one i’m dreading the most is telling my dad. My brother knows I like girls and he doesn’t quite understand what that means. But he loves me for who I am. He says i’ll always be his sister no matter what. I love him for that he’s always there for me. no matter how big our age gap is he’s my best friend who knows so much about me. He might not understand it all but he tries. 

My mom, where do I begin I love that women to death. She had the hardest pregnancy with me. But we don’t see eye to eye. She is one hell of a women! I love her but she’s not very supporting . She brushes things off her shoulder she pretends that the little detail I told her doesn’t exist. She has a lot of friends in the LGBTQ community, which is why I thought she’d be the most supportive. But she was the complete opposite. She offers advice to her friends who come out to their parents. But she doesn’t do the same with her own daughter. It hurts me to know she doesn’t accept who I really am. But I hope one day she will. 

Oh yeah and my dad you ask? He doesn’t know yet…

The hardest part is yet to come…

New Chapter

Posted on by alizeandmaria

Awhile ago I decided that I wouldn't care about what other people think about me. I use to let what others thought of me get to me. Honestly that had taken a toll on me. You can't please everyone and not everyone is gonna like you. I learned that the hard way. It takes some time to realize that you have to love yourself before anyone else can. Love the skin you are in, it's the only one you have. Sometime here and there I let people's comments get to me. But I have to remember that at the end of the day I have one person to please and that's me. Always make sure you are happy, that you put yourself first, that you love yourself. It's easy to say and hard to do but you got to do it for yourself not anyone else. Believe in yourself no matter what! Dream big dream small you can achieve anything!

Sometime I have a tough time loving myself. I keep putting myself down, and just not being happy with how I look. But I was blessed to have an amazing girlfriend who tells me everyday how much she loves me and how beautiful I am. Sometimes you do need a little encouragement than others. Sometimes I wake up and i'm damn i'm a bad ass bitch. Lol!!

Not everyday is a perfect day and not everyday has to be a perfect day. Take it one day at a time one step at a time. Work on yourself and loving yourself and be the best you, you can be!

M

My happy place

Posted on by alizeandmaria

Whenever I feel like life’s taking me down or I cant handle it anymore all I need is a trip to the beach. It’s my happy places it relaxes me and it lets me get away from reality for a bit. Even though after I know I have to go back to my regular life. When I was younger my dad use to take me and I was such a wild child I would go as far as I could go into the ocean because I hoped that the mermaids would take me away. Lol!

Once I started to learn how to drive on my own I would go to the beach by myself at least once a week. I would be that lame person at the beach reading a book or just lay down and take a small catnap. Its always has  been a place I could get away from reality. When things get to rough in my life the beach is where you’ll find me.

Its one of the most beautiful places anyone can go to. I don’t care what anyway says, the beach is so amazingly beautiful I could stare at it all day. Just standing along the shore where the water can touch your toes and just hear the waves is the most relaxing thing on this planet. At least it is to me, I know not everyone has my same opinion. Even just sitting on a blanket with the sun warming up your body as you read a good book is the best feeling.

Whats even better than all that is going to the beach with the love of your life and sharing all those things with them. It truly saddens me when I see a group of friends that look forced or annoyed to be there. The ocean and the sand don’t deserve that they deserve nothing but love. All my good memories and great laughs are at the beach. I only like going to the beach with my closest friend that love it as much as I do. I truly am jealous of all the people who have house by the beach. They are so lucky to be able to be a walking distance from the ocean,

I remember when I first started dating alize she told me she didn’t like the beach and to be honest I almost broke up with her because of it. As mean as that sounds like I cant imagine being with someone who doesn’t love the beach as much as I do. But I didn’t break up with her as you may have noticed, Lol!! She said she give it a second chance for me and well lets just say she might like the beach a little more than me. That truly warms my heart so much. We both like to just sit there and watch the waves, or even just walk along the shore and get our feet wet and just talk about life. Im so happy I found someone who loves the beach.

I really hope that one day when I get older ill be able to buy a house by the beach. That would honestly be my dream, actually it is my dream.  I give anything to be at the beach 24/7, I love it that much. Honestly my depression gets so bad that the beach doesn’t always help. Sometimes I have to just be at the beach and just imagine my life without the beach. Then I realize how lucky I really am that it’s only a 35 minute drive from where I live.

Sometimes my depression really gets to me that I try to crush my happy place. I think of all the worst scenarios that could happen to me while I’m there. But to be honest I have to snap myself out of it. I cant think negative of my happy place. My depression use to get so bad that I wouldn’t even want to drive to the beach.

Im working on it on a daily just to get better. It’s a work in progress but in the meantime I know the sand and the ocean is always waiting for me with open arms.

M

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