Behind the picture

Posted on by alizeandmaria

sunrise

Hey friends!
I hope everyone is having a good year so far!!
This weekend Alize and I went on an adventure. We woke up around 4ish 5 in the morning to catch the sunrise in Santa Cruz.
Recently we’ve been wanting to be more adventurous. Also Alize has been wanting to get more into photography since she loves it. So why not try? You know? We didn’t have the proper equipment besides a nice camera. So we improvised!
We set the camera on the rail, before that we had kleenex and dried it so the camera wouldn’t get wet. Gotta do what you gotta do. We made it work with what we had, since we decided to not make excuse anymore and just go for it.
We got to santa cruz around 5:45am and the sunrise was suppose to be around 7:18. And we had time to spare but we just waited in the cold dark morning for the sun. But to be completely honest it was so worth it!!!
We were freezing and we didn’t dress that warm because you know we didn’t think it fully. It was honestly an amazing experience because we saw the sky transform from dark to light. Honestly I didn’t expect it to be that beautiful. We waited forever for the sunrise and it happed oh so quickly. We almost missed it! Lol!! Alize got some pretty amazing shots that’s she’s currently working on.
On our way back to the car we didn’t know how we were walking. Our bodies felt so numb. When we finally sat down in the car we turned on the heater. And i kid you not our body was defrosting it was such a weird feeling.
Honestly i would definitely do it again. It’s an experience everyone should have. We take the small things for granted. That we don’t stop and smell the roses in this case see the sunrises. Lol. 10/10 would recommend but go with someone special. Someone who will be willing to wait with you in the cold and wake up at the crack of dawn just to experience something so beautiful with you!
Alize took so many amazing picture and i can’t wait for her to edit them because editing can transform a picture so much. I suck at taking picture but i love taking picture of her!
This post is more of behind the picture I took. It one of my favorite picture i’ve taken of her so far. Well one of my favorites I have so many to choose from. Let’s just call it my recent favorite!
soon to come a sunrise…..
till the next post my friends!!!
-MM

Coming out

Posted on by alizeandmaria

About 3 years ago I decided that I was no longer going to hide my true self to those around me. I had told my closest friends that I liked girls. Some of them handled it pretty well and i got lots of love and support from them! My life long friend who’ve i’ve known since I was in diapers said she always knew I was. She was the most accepting and loving of them all. I also had a “friend” who wasn’t as accepting as the others. I say friend in quotes because ever since I came out to that person we started to drift apart. It made realized who my real friends were. 

The hardest thing to deal with is knowing that not everyone accepts who you are. It took so long for me to truly accept who I really was and to stop hiding in what is considered “normal”.  I’ve spent a lot of sleepless nights wishing I wasn’t the way I was. But one day I came to the realization that i was made this way for a reason. I didn’t wake up one day and was like im gonna like girls from now on. No I have always known since I was about 7 years old that I liked girls and I thought I wasn’t normal like everyone else. I fought for years to trying to change myself and make myself “better”. 

Now that i have a total of like 3 friends i’ve realized that, that’s all i need. They love me for who i am. No matter what my sexual orientation is. They are always there for the good the bad and the ugly. I will forever be thankful for them because without them i’d go crazy. 

Now the most difficult part and the one i’m dreading the most is telling my dad. My brother knows I like girls and he doesn’t quite understand what that means. But he loves me for who I am. He says i’ll always be his sister no matter what. I love him for that he’s always there for me. no matter how big our age gap is he’s my best friend who knows so much about me. He might not understand it all but he tries. 

My mom, where do I begin I love that women to death. She had the hardest pregnancy with me. But we don’t see eye to eye. She is one hell of a women! I love her but she’s not very supporting . She brushes things off her shoulder she pretends that the little detail I told her doesn’t exist. She has a lot of friends in the LGBTQ community, which is why I thought she’d be the most supportive. But she was the complete opposite. She offers advice to her friends who come out to their parents. But she doesn’t do the same with her own daughter. It hurts me to know she doesn’t accept who I really am. But I hope one day she will. 

Oh yeah and my dad you ask? He doesn’t know yet…

The hardest part is yet to come…

Struggles

Posted on by alizeandmaria

I know no ones perfect and i’m far from it. I also know that everyone has their own issues and struggles on a daily. It might sound like i’m complain or that i’m being selfish. But sometimes you have to stop and think about yourself because not everyone is going to stop and think about you. It’s hard to put yourself first when you want all the people around you to be happy. Sometimes I just want to shut everyone out and think about myself for once.

It’s okay to be selfish every once in a while. But it’s also okay to care about others that you love. You just have to find balance between the two. Just know everyone is going through struggles on a day to day basis. You might be having issues at home, work, school , etc. But don’t think you are alone we all have issues it’s just that sometimes we are too wrapped up in our own life that we don’t notice.

Sometimes I feel like when I want to talk about my problems to someone I can’t. Not because my friends or my girlfriend don’t care. It’s just simply because I feel like my issues aren’t as bad as there’s. I feel bad, I feel like i’m complaining to them when then have much more going on in their life than I do. But sometimes I wish they’d just ask me if Im okay?  I put up this front that i’m happy and doing great all the time. But half the time I don’t even know what’s going on in my own head.

Sometimes when it’s late at night I have to take a step back and take a deep breathe and relax. I have to remember that everything will be okay eventually.  I go through stages where I don’t sleep at all and then I have stages where all I do is sleep. It weird because I want to talk to my friends and my girlfriend but i’m the problem. I stop myself from reaching out and talking to them. I much rather know what’s going on in their life. It’s just the type of person I am no matter what i’ve gone through in life I will always love the people closest to me.

I forget sometimes how much they truly care and when I do open up to them I get nothing but love and support from my loved ones. Specially my girlfriend I don’t know where’d I be in life without her. She’s the one who keeps me sane the one who gets me going. I honestly feel that if I never met her I wouldn’t have a purpose in this world. As weird as that sounds but she taught me how to live and how to love. I was a lost soul without her trying to find out what I wanted and who I was. She’s showed me that if someone really loves you they’ll love you and all the “flaws” you may have. “Flaws” aren’t really flaws to the person who truly loves you because they see you as perfect. If you don’t think you are perfect just remember someone out there finds you perfect just the way you are.

M

How I met her

Posted on by alizeandmaria

I met my beautiful girlfriend Alize about 3 years ago. We both had worked at Safeway and well we didn’t really work with each other, we worked in different departments. So one day I walked in the back room and she happened to be there, I walked passed her and I said hi she said hi back. I kept walking and then I felt bad  because I didn’t say her name because honestly it’s hard to pronounce well at least it was for me. So I turned back and I asked her how to say her name, she laughed and told me and then we both continued on with our life’s. No big deal!

A couple months after that she got promoted to Starbucks and thats when I started to talk to her more because I would order my drink, we started talking here and there and just being friendly towards each other. One day our co workers had set up a  bowling night but she did not end up going. I was kinda sad she wasn’t there because I was looking forward to seeing her there. So I had texted her and asked her if she was coming and she said she wasn’t sure and well I don’t know how I did it but i’m pretty sure I persuaded her to go.  She ended up going and we hung out but homegirl was hungry so I went with her to Carl’s Jr. to get some food and she had offered to buy me food since I drove and  I said no of course. But I was kinda happy inside knowing I was with her and that she ended up showing up.  At the time I knew I had a little crush on her maybe but nothing to major maybe I was just happy she offered to buy me food who knows. Lol!! After that bowling night we kept texting I would text her everyday just to text her, I would ask her to go eat after work and we would do that like everyday or every other day. I started to like her more and more and I always felt really nervous every time I would see her. It got to the point where I had really bad anxiety that every time i’d go to work and I would walk fast past her department and I wouldn’t say hi to her. But I would still want to hangout with her and it made me sad when we couldn’t hangout. The more I hung out with her the more I liked her. I tried to fight the fact that I liked her so bad because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It was just something that I didn’t want to force and I loved our friendship so much that I didn’t want to ruin that by telling her I had feelings for her. So I just continued seeing her as a friend for a while until one day at night we were texting late and we were talking and she would say things that made me believe that she knew I liked her.  I was also texting my best friend at the same time and she just told me to tell her that it wouldn’t hurt anybody. I told Alize I liked her and well she didn’t say much she just said she had no idea and I felt like such an idiot and I didn’t want to loose our friendship. So I told her to forget it and to just act like I never told her I was so embarrassed and I just wanted to hide under rock. A couple days after that we were talking as usual and she said she wanted to go to the drive Ins or if that was too romantic and shit for me! Lol!! I honestly wanted to smack her and I said no. We had our first date 2 days after to the drive Ins we saw inside out and after our movie date we went to eat at in n out where we shared our first kiss! 💕 We had our ups and downs before we started dating her trying to figure out what she wanted and me well patiently impatiently waiting for her to be ready. I wasn’t trying to pressure her but I was trying to figure out what was going on and if I was wasting my time or if I had messed up a great friendship.  It took her awhile to figure out what she wanted But here we are now 2 years later we are going stronger than ever. I’ve never imagined that i’d be dating one of my best friends. I can tell her anything and everything and i’m glad I took that risk. Moral of the story! If you want to take a risk take it whether it’d be in your love life, friendships  , etc., take that risk! Don’t live life wondering what if I did this or what if I did that. Do what YOU think is best for You! I took a risk that day and confessed my crush to her and it was honestly the best thing I have ever done.  2 years and I couldn’t be happier! She is my everything and i’d do anything for her even if it means putting a simple smile on her face.  I would just like her to know…  Thank you for being here for me in the good the bad and the ugly. You are my number one supporter in all this and i’m your number one supporter in all your dreams! 🙂

M

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