Struggles

Posted on by alizeandmaria

I know no ones perfect and i’m far from it. I also know that everyone has their own issues and struggles on a daily. It might sound like i’m complain or that i’m being selfish. But sometimes you have to stop and think about yourself because not everyone is going to stop and think about you. It’s hard to put yourself first when you want all the people around you to be happy. Sometimes I just want to shut everyone out and think about myself for once.

It’s okay to be selfish every once in a while. But it’s also okay to care about others that you love. You just have to find balance between the two. Just know everyone is going through struggles on a day to day basis. You might be having issues at home, work, school , etc. But don’t think you are alone we all have issues it’s just that sometimes we are too wrapped up in our own life that we don’t notice.

Sometimes I feel like when I want to talk about my problems to someone I can’t. Not because my friends or my girlfriend don’t care. It’s just simply because I feel like my issues aren’t as bad as there’s. I feel bad, I feel like i’m complaining to them when then have much more going on in their life than I do. But sometimes I wish they’d just ask me if Im okay?  I put up this front that i’m happy and doing great all the time. But half the time I don’t even know what’s going on in my own head.

Sometimes when it’s late at night I have to take a step back and take a deep breathe and relax. I have to remember that everything will be okay eventually.  I go through stages where I don’t sleep at all and then I have stages where all I do is sleep. It weird because I want to talk to my friends and my girlfriend but i’m the problem. I stop myself from reaching out and talking to them. I much rather know what’s going on in their life. It’s just the type of person I am no matter what i’ve gone through in life I will always love the people closest to me.

I forget sometimes how much they truly care and when I do open up to them I get nothing but love and support from my loved ones. Specially my girlfriend I don’t know where’d I be in life without her. She’s the one who keeps me sane the one who gets me going. I honestly feel that if I never met her I wouldn’t have a purpose in this world. As weird as that sounds but she taught me how to live and how to love. I was a lost soul without her trying to find out what I wanted and who I was. She’s showed me that if someone really loves you they’ll love you and all the “flaws” you may have. “Flaws” aren’t really flaws to the person who truly loves you because they see you as perfect. If you don’t think you are perfect just remember someone out there finds you perfect just the way you are.

M

My happy place

Posted on by alizeandmaria

Whenever I feel like life’s taking me down or I cant handle it anymore all I need is a trip to the beach. It’s my happy places it relaxes me and it lets me get away from reality for a bit. Even though after I know I have to go back to my regular life. When I was younger my dad use to take me and I was such a wild child I would go as far as I could go into the ocean because I hoped that the mermaids would take me away. Lol!

Once I started to learn how to drive on my own I would go to the beach by myself at least once a week. I would be that lame person at the beach reading a book or just lay down and take a small catnap. Its always has  been a place I could get away from reality. When things get to rough in my life the beach is where you’ll find me.

Its one of the most beautiful places anyone can go to. I don’t care what anyway says, the beach is so amazingly beautiful I could stare at it all day. Just standing along the shore where the water can touch your toes and just hear the waves is the most relaxing thing on this planet. At least it is to me, I know not everyone has my same opinion. Even just sitting on a blanket with the sun warming up your body as you read a good book is the best feeling.

Whats even better than all that is going to the beach with the love of your life and sharing all those things with them. It truly saddens me when I see a group of friends that look forced or annoyed to be there. The ocean and the sand don’t deserve that they deserve nothing but love. All my good memories and great laughs are at the beach. I only like going to the beach with my closest friend that love it as much as I do. I truly am jealous of all the people who have house by the beach. They are so lucky to be able to be a walking distance from the ocean,

I remember when I first started dating alize she told me she didn’t like the beach and to be honest I almost broke up with her because of it. As mean as that sounds like I cant imagine being with someone who doesn’t love the beach as much as I do. But I didn’t break up with her as you may have noticed, Lol!! She said she give it a second chance for me and well lets just say she might like the beach a little more than me. That truly warms my heart so much. We both like to just sit there and watch the waves, or even just walk along the shore and get our feet wet and just talk about life. Im so happy I found someone who loves the beach.

I really hope that one day when I get older ill be able to buy a house by the beach. That would honestly be my dream, actually it is my dream.  I give anything to be at the beach 24/7, I love it that much. Honestly my depression gets so bad that the beach doesn’t always help. Sometimes I have to just be at the beach and just imagine my life without the beach. Then I realize how lucky I really am that it’s only a 35 minute drive from where I live.

Sometimes my depression really gets to me that I try to crush my happy place. I think of all the worst scenarios that could happen to me while I’m there. But to be honest I have to snap myself out of it. I cant think negative of my happy place. My depression use to get so bad that I wouldn’t even want to drive to the beach.

Im working on it on a daily just to get better. It’s a work in progress but in the meantime I know the sand and the ocean is always waiting for me with open arms.

M

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Life happens

Posted on by alizeandmaria

Sometimes its hard to realize you are in a deep depression when you haven’t admitted it yourself. Everyone deals with their own problems on their own. You cant just walk around this world pissed off at everyone I’ve learned that the hard way. You have to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are. Love yourself before anyone else can its easier said then done I know. It’s a work in progress.… Everyone experiences things differently don’t drill yourself because you feel like you aren’t going anywhere or you just don’t feel good enough. Ive learned to take things one day at a time. Not everything is easy but not everything has to be hard either.

Its weird because not all of us are ready to be adults and live in the real world no one really prepares you for that. Its like I didn’t ask to be brought into this world. But yet a lot is expected from you like finish school, get a job, move out, etc. In school I don’t recall them helping me with how to proper apply for a credit card or how to apply for a loan for school. I feel like a lot of these things you learn as you go but also you try not to screw up in the process.

Life’s not easy no one said it would be but no one warned me it’d be a difficult either. Some days I feel like I’m  just lost in this world and cant figure out who I am yet, other days I’m like I own this world. Its hard to explain how I feel at times. But I also know I’m not the only one who feels like this. At times I feel like I let things get to me too much. Other days I just let things slide by and not let anything worry me and I live carefree.

Im trying to cope with life.

We aren’t all perfect and I know that but I feel like a failure half the time. I just have to remember that I’m not. I  have the most amazing friends in the world and the best girlfriend I can ask for and the amazing support of my parents. Without my parents I feel like I couldn’t do anything. Whenever you feel down just remember you aren’t alone remember all the good things that surround you. Set small goals for yourself and be proud of yourself everyday. You are worth so much and don’t forget that. You can do anything you set your mind to. Take life one day at a time.

It’s a work in progress but I’m slowly getting better and so can you. 🙂

M

How I met her

Posted on by alizeandmaria

I met my beautiful girlfriend Alize about 3 years ago. We both had worked at Safeway and well we didn’t really work with each other, we worked in different departments. So one day I walked in the back room and she happened to be there, I walked passed her and I said hi she said hi back. I kept walking and then I felt bad  because I didn’t say her name because honestly it’s hard to pronounce well at least it was for me. So I turned back and I asked her how to say her name, she laughed and told me and then we both continued on with our life’s. No big deal!

A couple months after that she got promoted to Starbucks and thats when I started to talk to her more because I would order my drink, we started talking here and there and just being friendly towards each other. One day our co workers had set up a  bowling night but she did not end up going. I was kinda sad she wasn’t there because I was looking forward to seeing her there. So I had texted her and asked her if she was coming and she said she wasn’t sure and well I don’t know how I did it but i’m pretty sure I persuaded her to go.  She ended up going and we hung out but homegirl was hungry so I went with her to Carl’s Jr. to get some food and she had offered to buy me food since I drove and  I said no of course. But I was kinda happy inside knowing I was with her and that she ended up showing up.  At the time I knew I had a little crush on her maybe but nothing to major maybe I was just happy she offered to buy me food who knows. Lol!! After that bowling night we kept texting I would text her everyday just to text her, I would ask her to go eat after work and we would do that like everyday or every other day. I started to like her more and more and I always felt really nervous every time I would see her. It got to the point where I had really bad anxiety that every time i’d go to work and I would walk fast past her department and I wouldn’t say hi to her. But I would still want to hangout with her and it made me sad when we couldn’t hangout. The more I hung out with her the more I liked her. I tried to fight the fact that I liked her so bad because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It was just something that I didn’t want to force and I loved our friendship so much that I didn’t want to ruin that by telling her I had feelings for her. So I just continued seeing her as a friend for a while until one day at night we were texting late and we were talking and she would say things that made me believe that she knew I liked her.  I was also texting my best friend at the same time and she just told me to tell her that it wouldn’t hurt anybody. I told Alize I liked her and well she didn’t say much she just said she had no idea and I felt like such an idiot and I didn’t want to loose our friendship. So I told her to forget it and to just act like I never told her I was so embarrassed and I just wanted to hide under rock. A couple days after that we were talking as usual and she said she wanted to go to the drive Ins or if that was too romantic and shit for me! Lol!! I honestly wanted to smack her and I said no. We had our first date 2 days after to the drive Ins we saw inside out and after our movie date we went to eat at in n out where we shared our first kiss! 💕 We had our ups and downs before we started dating her trying to figure out what she wanted and me well patiently impatiently waiting for her to be ready. I wasn’t trying to pressure her but I was trying to figure out what was going on and if I was wasting my time or if I had messed up a great friendship.  It took her awhile to figure out what she wanted But here we are now 2 years later we are going stronger than ever. I’ve never imagined that i’d be dating one of my best friends. I can tell her anything and everything and i’m glad I took that risk. Moral of the story! If you want to take a risk take it whether it’d be in your love life, friendships  , etc., take that risk! Don’t live life wondering what if I did this or what if I did that. Do what YOU think is best for You! I took a risk that day and confessed my crush to her and it was honestly the best thing I have ever done.  2 years and I couldn’t be happier! She is my everything and i’d do anything for her even if it means putting a simple smile on her face.  I would just like her to know…  Thank you for being here for me in the good the bad and the ugly. You are my number one supporter in all this and i’m your number one supporter in all your dreams! 🙂

M

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